As a child I never dreamed about growing up to be a gardener. My parents did not plant flowers in the backyard or have potted plants on the porch. It was not until I became an adult that I even knew that someone would do this task for pleasure. My only experience with something green, alive and totally dependent on me for survival was two years ago, when I bought a small tree. This tree resembled the one in the Charlie Brown Christmas movie and was thus named Charlie. Charlie seemed happy enough in the beginning, with lights and ornaments adorning his tiny frame, perhaps glowing in the holiday cheer and his position as “the tree” for the Christmas season. It was after the holiday season, when I began to notice he looked sad. I watered him, moved him to different locations in the house and yet he began to wither and turn brown on many of his branches. A friend told me to talk to him everyday, that he needed a connection with me. I did not heed her advice and Charlie continued his decline. My friend took Charlie and nurtured him, repotted him, spoke to him and he showed signs of recovery. I was not a believer at this point, without my friend around to care for Charlie, he eventually passed. This experience left me convinced that I am not a green thumb and I am fearful of being a plant owner, although I do love the presence of plants and flowers in my home.
Last year I bought a small cactus for the friend who attempted to save my Charlie. She spoke to it, watered it, put it near a window near her other plants in the hope that her little cactus would grow. Despite all of her efforts, she remained healthy but not thriving. In an attempt to bring happiness and companionship to her baby, she put a mint plant in the pot with her. Within a month a tiny miracle happened! She did not get taller, instead grew two small stems atop her short body. I could not help but wonder if it was the nearness of a friend that produced this immediate growth? She was doing well on her own, yet I could not help but question is the law of community at play here? When I think about my own life in this context, I do well in my own “pot”, however the presence of a friend and community brings new perspectives and companionship that I cannot experience by myself. Laughter, joy, empathy, pain, everyday struggles are simply a part of life and are easier and lighter when shared with others. What if Charlie would have had a buddy? Was it loneliness and isolation that led to his end? Did Charlie need to be repotted? I cannot dismiss or avoid the life lesson here. I am not meant to do life alone. It is too hard. It is too messy. I need to be seen, supported, heard and loved. I have faced the uprooting of a familiar, safe pot and been put in a new pot. The trauma left damage to my roots. It has taken the care of experienced gardeners to help me survive and grow new, stronger roots. I am learning that difficult circumstances in life requires a caring person or people, to hop into my “pot” and live in the soil and grow roots into my story. While I am not afraid to hop into others pots, it takes humility, courage, and a choice, to allow another into my pot. I am continuing to grow and flowers have bloomed in places and ways I never thought possible. I am still not sure about my skills as a gardener, however I am more familiar with how to tend to a plant. It requires more than water and sun, the mystery of growth relies on others near me. It requires making choices to bring richness to my soil. Growth requires me to choose to a life in community with others and who can spur on newness and growth that I am unable to do myself. It requires I choose the way of the cactus.
The Unmaking 